Lisa Faulkner on grief, infertility and marriage

Cook and TV presenter Lisa Faulkner, 51, on grief, her infertility struggle and the secret to the strength of her marriage to MasterChef judge John Torode.

‘I’m very grateful for my health. Every day I go for a walk and do between 10 and 20 minutes of yoga, just to get moving. Age is a privilege, so I feel I need to look after my body and my mind. I’ve been doing hatha yoga for more than 25 years. My dad David is 78 and does yoga, too. He started at the same time as me and my sister, and he’s so agile. When I see Fearne Cotton doing yoga, she amazes and inspires me. I’m flexible, and there are sometimes bits that ache, but the more you move, the better you feel.

‘The gym is just not for me. I like exercise when I can roll out of bed in my pyjamas, roll out my mat and do some yoga. I also like walking. I do an hour’s walk with the dog every day where I live in a very hilly area in North London. Walking is more important for my head than it probably is for my body.

‘At school, I was the most non-sporty pupil. My games teacher didn’t even know my name. She called me Fred! I played a bit of netball, but I hated hockey, and when I was growing up, nobody went to the gym. I went out and danced all night. From the age of 16, I was a model in London, and would walk from 10am to 5pm on “go-sees” [modelling interviews]. I was a victim of being told at 16 to “lose that puppy fat” but I wasn’t worried about what I looked like. I was like, “what are you talking about?”. I was lucky because I had a fast metabolism, so I’ve always been quite skinny.

‘Most women feel we’re put on Earth to reproduce, so when you’re not able to do that, the feelings of failure are huge… To any women struggling with fertility, my advice is to be kind to yourself.’ – Lisa Faulkner

‘When I started the perimenopause, I put on a bit of weight around my middle but since going on HRT a year ago, my metabolism has gone back to what it was, and my weight has stabilised again. I don’t eat loads, but I eat what I want. If somebody hands me a huge plate of food I find it quite scary. I’d rather help myself to what I want.

‘I didn’t suffer with any major perimenopausal symptoms. I got anxious, I was having a few hot flushes and I just wasn’t myself. There are now great advocates for the perimenopause, Lisa Snowdon being one. I’m so pleased that everyone is talking about it, because so many people don’t know how to deal with it, or that they can get help. I hope one day, going through the perimenopause will just feel completely relaxed and normal.

‘The biggest health obstacle I’ve overcome is infertility. After three rounds of failed IVF and an ectopic pregnancy, unexplained infertility was a difficult, horrible place where I thought, “Is this going to happen? Is it not? Can I do anything more than what I am doing?” It took me a long time to make peace with it.

‘To any women struggling with fertility, my advice is to be kind to yourself. Each time, whether you miscarry or you can’t get pregnant, there is a pressure to be invincible, to get up and go, “I can deal with this. I can start again”. In those scenarios, we’re a ticking time bomb, so although the clock is ticking, put a pillow over the clock to allow yourself time to recover before trying again. Most women feel we’re put on Earth to reproduce, so when you’re not able to do that, the feelings of failure are huge. You do need to find somebody to talk to and the great thing about social media is you’re not alone. That indirect support wasn’t around when I was going through it.

‘I’m so pleased that everyone is talking about [the menopause], because so many people don’t know how to deal with it, or that they can get help. I hope one day, going through the perimenopause will just feel completely relaxed and normal.’ – Lisa Faulkner

‘My mum died when I was 16 and my sister and I literally had to grow up overnight. I inherited my passion for cooking from Mum – she made everything we ate from scratch – so I always feel close to her when I’m cooking. If I’m having “one of those days”, cooking makes me feel calm because planning a recipe, making it and washing up feels like therapy because it’s what my mum did. My daughter Billie is 16 – the age that I lost my mum. I was working at 16 but I can see now what a baby I was, how young I was.

‘After Mum died, I left school, started modelling and threw myself into something that was so different from my life with my mum. There’s “no getting over grief”, but you realise you need to get on with life, and having something completely new and different helped with that.

‘What I took from my mum dying was an understanding that in life, you’ve got one chance. Even though she had been ill with cancer for a while, when she died I was so surprised. You just don’t think the end is going to happen. Losing her has completely shaped me. I didn’t want it to be something that defined me, but it has. It definitely made me think about how to live my life.

‘Life throws you lots of beautiful rock pools that you can jump into. I always think, “What’s the worst that can happen?” We’re born with such amazing instincts, so if you listen to them, it sets you on the right path. I’m not afraid to jump. I’ve become more scared as I’ve got older, but I still do challenging things, including following my heart into cooking, from a career in acting! I tell Bills all the time, “Listen to your gut”, and she’s got such great instincts.

‘What I took from my mum dying was an understanding that in life, you’ve got one chance. […] Losing her has completely shaped me. I didn’t want it to be something that defined me, but it has. It definitely made me think about how to live my life.’ – Lisa Faulkner

‘I always need to feel I’m learning and being creative. Before MasterChef, I was being offered the same sort of parts but I loved cooking, so entering the show was a no brainer. For the past 10 years, I’ve been cooking all the time, and I feel very lucky because the job allowed me to be at home for my daughter when she was younger.

‘As a couple, John and I look after each other. We make sure we give each other space and that we have date night, and that’s really important. It seems like John and I work together all the time, but we don’t. If John’s filming MasterChef, I don’t really see him because he comes back late, and if I’m filming away, we don’t spend lots of time together. When we work together, I love it. We’re not like Judy and Richard, who would go to work every single day together. I’m not sure I could cope with that!

‘Davinia Taylor is ace. I’ve known her for years – she was doing Hollyoaks when I was in Brookside – and I love what she’s done in the wellness industry. I take a couple of her Will Powder supplements including bovine collagen powder, which is great for gut, bone, skin, hair and nail health.

‘I also take her Calm capsules, which contain L-Theanine, an amino acid that helps boost cognitive function and lower anxiety. They’re really good if you’re not sleeping. I don’t suffer from insomnia. It’s more that my head gets really busy and I lie there awake. If I don’t get six-to-eight hours of sleep, I’m rubbish, so before bed, I try to wind down by reading a book.

‘I don’t suffer from insomnia. It’s more that my head gets really busy and I lie there awake…so before bed, I try to wind down by reading a book.’ – Lisa Faulkner

‘I’ve had rosacea for years. When the inflammatory skin condition started in my mid-20s, a skin specialist prescribed me a steroid cream but it didn’t work for me. I think a lot of it is down to the day-to-day stresses we all feel – work/life/family balance and the push-and-pull of this.

‘People say, ‘You’ve got lovely rosy cheeks’, but my skin can feel bumpy and a bit dry. I’m now very careful with the products I use. I have the most amazing facialist called Mina Lee who recommended a lovely Korean skincare range called Leze. I also love Kate McIver Skin products. Kate, who sadly died of cancer, made her brilliant Secret Weapon cleanser when she was having chemotherapy and couldn’t use anything on her skin. It’s the most lovely facial wash and doesn’t irritate my skin in any way.

‘I’m terrified of Botox. I have no judgement of anybody who has it but I’m a bit scared of changing my face. The most I’ve ever had is radio frequency microneedling, which was a bit like a CACI facial. The truth is, I like my face as it is, and I don’t know if I want to change it. You might ask me about Botox in five years’ time and I might say, “Yeah, I have a little bit”, but [right now], I’m not ready and I’m quite happy with my wrinkles.

‘We’re about to plan our summer holiday. I do love that week off to have quality time with the family. At the end of August, me, Dad and my sister are going away, just the three of us. We’re very close–and the three of us spending time together will be a really lovely thing.

Catch Lisa on John & Lisa’s Weekend Kitchen, on Saturdays from June 6, at 11.35am on ITV1 and ITVX

Words: Gemma Calvert | Images: Shutterstock