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When working and living under the same roof with a partner, children or both – and around the clock – tensions can run high. Suddenly the house is too noisy to concentrate or make work calls, the kids are grumpy and desperate to hang out with friends, and everyone is just a bit more irritable. How do you ease the pressure? Life coach and hypnotherapist Camilla Sacre-Dallerup is on hand to help…
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Consider your language
It can be all too easy to forget about the words we use when communicating with a partner or our children, especially in the heat of the moment. When we feel tense, agitated or frustrated, we can often slip into blame language, for example, ‘Why are you doing that?’ or ‘What did you do that for?’.
It’s hard to pull it back from there because you risk the recipient then going into lockdown – or extra lockdown right now! They may retaliate by not talking to you and wonder why they’re being blamed.
The key is to communicate from how you’re feeling without going into full-force blame mode.
So, for example, you might go into the kitchen and find a sink full of dirty dishes for the unpteenth time. Instead of going into rage mode, try saying ‘When you leave these dirty dishes in the sink, it makes me feel overlooked because I’ve already cleaned the kitchen today. It makes me feel sad and unappreciated. I’d just love some help’.
See how different and powerful that sounds in comparison to something like ‘I can’t believe you’ve done this again!’ Keep your language supportive and helpful, not just when you’re speaking to your loved ones but with yourself as well.
Make up a mantra
Reciting affirmations is something you can do as a family, whether you have young children or teenagers. Affirmations are direct orders to the subconscious mind, so when you are telling yourself ‘I am calm’, you are telling your own nervous system that you’re calm.
It’s a great tool to get in the habit of using and is incredibly effective when practised regularly. Perhaps one of the kids can set the affirmation for the day such as ‘ I am relaxed’ or ‘ I am confident’ and then whenever anyone might be feeling a little anxious or low they can repeat it 10 times.
Meditate for inner peace
It’s important for the whole family to know they don’t have to hide their feelings. In fact, now is a great opportunity to teach your kids that it’s alright to talk about their emotions. Some days you might feel really stressed, on others you may feel guilty for even feeling that way but every feeling is valid.
A Buddhist practice called Vedana can help you to accept feelings rather than fight them – allowing them to be so that you can find peace with them and stop them from spiralling.
Meditate for however long feels right for you, starting with 3-5 minutes.
- Relax and gently breathe in and out.
- Allow thoughts to come up.
- Acknowledge them without attaching yourself to them.
- Label them in your mind with one of three words: pleasant, unpleasant or neutral.
- Bring your focus back to your breath.
- When another thought or feeling arises, observe it and label it in the same way.
- Continue to do this for the duration of the meditation.
Discover more mind and relationship advice in
It’s Not You, It’s Me (£9.99) by best-selling
international author Camilla Sacre-Dallerup.
For more information about Camilla,
visit www.zenme.tv
CORONAVIRUS SPECIAL: Pre-order the next issue of Top Santé!
* Keep your body strong * beat the virus * Stay fit while at home.
* Pay the usual cover price and get FREE delivery in the UK (only £1 more for delivery outside the UK).
* No subscription required!
* Pre-order HERE!
